Approved! With the documents to prove it...

Well, I've been holding off posting on our blog until I had some sort of news to share, and now I do! We were officially approved to adopt Jonathan by the Lubumbashi courts! We are finally in our last 30 day wait. After those 30 days, he will officially and irrevocably be ours! We are so ecstatic. It all seems so much more real and possible now.

We actually heard in early August that our case had been approved and signed off on in the courts, but we could not get our official typed and sealed documents until this past weekend. I'm not sure of the dates on the document as we haven't seen a copy yet, but sometime around August 25th, we officially became a family, even with an ocean between us.

So now what? Well, we have 4-6 weeks of document collecting to wait through now. New birth certificate, possibly corrected court documents (we haven't heard of anything yet, but, in general, there are at least a few errors that have to be corrected on court paperwork), and other post-judgement documents that will complete the Congolese portion of our adoption.

After those are collected and our Certificate of Non-Appeal is issued, Jonathan will be moved to the agency transition house in Kinshasa. This will be a very exciting step as it means that we are in the final stretch of our process and it also means very frequent updates on Jonathan. As the transition home is run by our agency, I can be sure he'll receive our care packages and I should often receive health and personality updates. We expect he will be in the transition home for 6-8 weeks, after which we are able to pick him up!

I never thought we would be looking at November as a pick-up time frame (my worst case scenario time frame was always October), but I don't see any possible way that we could make it any earlier than mid-November. Fingers crossed that the remaining documents needed come through much more efficiently than our other court documents.

So, like most every other step in the adoption process, we wait. And Jonathan waits (though he probably has no clue who or what he's waiting on). To celebrate our court news, Adam and I are painting and re-decorating the kids' rooms for Jonathan's impending arrival. I've been waiting on this step, but I feel like we can now confidently say we'll be a family of five very soon!

Good things come to those who... blog?

Well, right after Monday's admittedly whiny post, I received a great email update with many pictures of our little man! Unfortunately, we didn't get much news about our court case (just that we haven't yet received a decree or certain paperwork), but it was great being able to see how JN has grown over the past 3 months. Here are our favorite pictures (those eyelashes are beautiful! Can't wait to see this guy in person!):

Patience is a virtue...

... I, admittedly, do not possess. The blog has been quiet over the last month, and so, unfortunately, has my email inbox when it comes to our adoption. We were told our file would be submitted to court on the 21st of May, and that we should expect a court decree in 3-4 weeks. After our decree, we would be in our 30 day waiting period - the final step to JN becoming an official Parker.

Of course, the day of June 11th (exactly 3 weeks after our file was submitted to court in Lubumbashi), I began checking my email obsessively throughout the day (and night - I've received a few late night emails from our caseworker, so I couldn't rule out hearing from her only during business hours... and by the way, I know this sounds obsessive... it's because it is obsessive! Refer back to the title of this post.) 

At the end of June (with no "new" news), we were told that our caseworker would actually be visiting our child in Lubumbashi. While there, she expected to get photos and updates on all of the children. I also thought we would get a very clear update as to where we were in the adoption process, as, presumably, our caseworker would be talking directly with the lawyer about our case and the other cases pending within our agency.

I checked blogs and Facebook each day, seeing new, lovely pictures and personality updates about many of our agency's referred kids. I was so excited for every family that got an update, but each day that *our* update didn't come, I had more and more feelings of dread. I started to think that maybe they forgot that we were adopting JN and didn't meet with him (irrational), that there was some sort of bad news about him or our case that they couldn't share over email (possible), or that there was no news about our case and we were still in a holding pattern (probably pretty realistic).

After waiting a full ten days after the first family had received their updates, I finally broke and called our agency. After a few days, a very nice office manager there was able to report that, yes, there was an update and new photos pending, but that I wouldn't get them until next (this) week.

A part of me was grateful just to hear something about our son. And to know that, eventually, we would receive an update like the other families from our agency. But another part of me was (and still is) very disappointed that, somewhere across the country, pictures and critical information exist about my (to-be) child and I have no control or no recourse to get them. I'm completely at the mercy of another person's (obviously and understandably) busy schedule. There is an email pending that could potentially change my life (not to be dramatic, but we could possibly, officially have a son across the ocean and not know about it) that could come at any time. This is not a good place to be in. The anxiety, the not-knowing, the fear of the unknown, and the excitement of the possibilities all combine to make me a constant bundle of nerves. 

And honestly, I feel I've done pretty well with the wait until this point. I've been able to compartmentalize my emotions and anxiety, so I could live my life each day without constantly wondering. But now to know that we are so close to such a major milestone (and to know that beautiful pictures of our future son exist), I cannot help but think of JN and the adoption pretty much constantly.

I know, in the end, all the anxiousness and waiting will be worth it. Soon these feelings will be a distant memory. I know all that logically, but unfortunately, it's not helping me much right now.

Also, I'm writing this post in lieu of emailing or calling my agency *again*. It's working for now, but who knows how I'll feel as business hours wind down for yet another day in which I know nothing more. 

Thinking of all the families out there in the same position (and, to be fair, my agency didn't give every family updates - it seems like it was about half of waiting families, so there are many others feeling exactly the same as I do now), and I am sincerely hoping we hear something soon.

- Patience is the art of hoping.

Luc de Clapiers

Why Adoption? Why Africa?

Almost every adoption blog I read has a similarly titled post as this. And while each post shares many common ideas and thoughts, each one is invariably a bit different than the last. Each family has such unique circumstances and paths toward adoption that I still enjoy every 'Why Adoption?' post I read.

So why adopt? This is probably the question I see written across many people's faces when Adam and I reveal that we are adopting. We have two young healthy girls who were born easily and with fairly uneventful pregnancies. We are quite young parents (at least for the adoption world), and we have a very nice balance in our lives in which we are able to be great parents but also enjoy individual pursuits that are important to each of us. I think many people wonder why we would disrupt that balance, or why we would pursue adding to our family when we have two already. And I can't always explain it, honestly, because it's something that we entered into with our hearts, not always with our minds.

I've felt like I was meant to adopt since college or earlier. Well before I met Adam, I loved watching stories of family united through adoption (particularly international adoption). I used to watch adoption documentaries or TV shows, and when Guatemala and China adoption became so popular, the thoughts were always just below the surface that, someday, I wanted to be apart of that path. I'm not sure why I felt so strongly, but, like many of the things that make each of us as individuals, I think this desire to adopt was a combination of life circumstances and my own inherent personality.

After our oldest daughter was born, I started talking to Adam about international adoption. Mostly just attempting to expose him to the idea and families that had adopted. Adam was less enthusiastic about it and never really thought of it as a serious option for our family. Adoption, especially international adoption, was outside of his realm of experience and just something he'd never considered. Shortly after that, I had our youngest daughter, so discussions were tabled as we adapted to life as a family of four.

When Emma turned two, we aggressively started to pursue adoption. It took Adam much time to wrap his head around the idea of adopting and become as enthusiastic as I was. Mostly his concerns revolved around adding a third child to the family, as he was perfectly content with our family size. A third child throws you into mini-van territory and Adam was not ready for that ;) Also, in fairness to Adam, many of friends had not even started having children and I was asking him to consider expanding our family to three children under 5! I probably was crazy!

Now that a few years have passed and our girls are bit older and more independent, Adam is thrilled we are adopting (as am I obviously!). We aren't adopting to 'save' a child, but instead feel like this is the way to complete our family. We love the idea of embracing a new culture into our family, of being able to raise a boy after two girls, of (if I'm honest) being able to skip the infant stage and move into the sometimes-more-fun preschool age, and of being able to advocate for a child waiting for a family. We want to adopt because it's right for our family, because we believe our son lives in DRC right now and is just waiting for us, and because it's our path. I don't know how to explain it properly most times, as it is intangible emotion that can't always be described in practical terms.

Are we nervous? Yes! Do we sometimes think we've lost our minds, just a bit? Of course. I think we would be somewhat naive if we didn't have those natural fears (very similar to fears I had when pregnant with both girls, actually). But we feel such peace about our adoption right now that we know we've made the right choice.

I'll save 'Why Africa?' for my next post, as I wasn't anticipating just how many words would be needed to describe what brought us to this point in our lives...

*Crickets*

So my email has been very silent this week... well, at least silent about any possible adoption news. As I said, we possibly, maybe had a court date this week, but we weren't sure what that would mean as far as hearing about our process as the judge generally is taking an additional 3-4 weeks to sign a decree after giving verbal approval.

So we wait for verbal approval. And after we hear about that, we'll wait for our final court decree, and then we'll be able to submit all of our information for some key remaining pieces of the adoption puzzle - a new birth certificate for JN, a passport, and a visa for entering the US. Once his new birth certificate and passport are obtained, we will be able to file for an appointment with the US Embassy, which means travel to DRC! So not too many more milestones to go before I get on a plane to see our boy.

I'm still in the area of limbo where I haven't started re-doing rooms or buying any major items, but I think as soon as I hear about court, I will feel ready to get those things moving along too. I thought I'd found the perfect bedding (after two girls, shopping for a toddler boy is hard!), but I think it just got vetoed by my mom.

And I always try to remind myself, even though it seems difficult each day that passes with no news, this really has been a very smooth and quick process overall, especially considering other families stories that I've read about over the past few years. And the silver lining? Patience has never been a virtue of mine, but, through this process, I'm learning it pretty quickly (or not so quickly, as the case may be)!